My problem is external so how can counselling help me?

We often don’t have control over many external factors which profoundly impact our lives. Job loss,sickness, and traumatic events like  assault, natural disasters, car crashes and  war  affect us and those we love, often without warning and this can feel terribly unfair. Our first question is usually, why did this happen? And that is when we can start to self blame.

Many times, a traumatic event is made worse by the messages of self blame that we take in, even when we have had no control over the situation. How we treat ourselves in times when we are most vulnerable is extremely important to how well we will heal and recover from the shock and stress.

We have a lot of control over how we react to these situations, how we cope with them and what we can learn from them. Developing resilience, support and awareness of how to be our own best friend in difficult times can make a massive difference in how we cope and how much we are able to appreciate and enjoy our lives.


Sometimes, we have learned one way of coping that worked well at the time, but now the coping strategy has become a problem.

By understanding the core beliefs that drive us, how these developed and how they are impacting us, we can start to make decisions that are more in line with who we are, who we choose to be and how we want to live. We can also start to recognise what we have control over and what we don’t and where we can most effectively use our energy.

How do I know you are the right counsellor for me?

It is important to verify that the professional that you choose has the knowledge and experience to help you with your particular issue. Don’t be afraid to ask questions about their experience.
There are many approaches to therapy and the best therapists often adapt their approach to the needs of the client.

It is in your protection and best interest to ensure that you are working with a professional who is a member of a professional order. This ensures that the individual has the credenitals to work as a psychotherapist.

Like any other kind of relationship, chemistry plays a factor. Sometimes, you will just click with someone and sense that they “get you”.
It is ok to shop around to find someone that you feel comfortable with.

I feel worse after my counselling session- what is happening?

Most people experience some degree of relief after speaking to someone about something that has been weighing on them. It can be extremely helpful just to have someone to listen to.

Sometimes, however, after bringing up very painful memories and experiences, you might feel worse for a short while. It is important that you have good strategies in place to comfort yourself when you feel bad. Your therapist can help you work on this. In fact, if you are dealing with traumatic, overwhelming issues, it is best to work on self comforting and feeling safe before you dive in to working on issues.