UNLEARNING OLD PATTERNS & LEARNING NEW WAYS OF SEEING

Loving What Is, Byron Katie, Harmony Books, New York, 2002.
“Reality is always kinder than the stories we tell about it…”
This author invites readers to ask themselves four questions which can transform the way they look at any aspect of their lives. She asks “who would you be without this thought?”
Curious? You will find free worksheets and information on her website.
www.thework.com/index.php

Non Violent Communication, Marshall B. Rosenberg, Puddle Dance Press, California, 2003.

Who would have thought that “feeling betrayed “or ” feeling abandoned ” are not feelings, but accusations? And that a real feeling doesn’t point a finger to anyone else’s actions or inactions but speaks of our own inner experience?…
For the past forty years, peacemaker Marshall Rosenberg has been teaching people to communicate using feelings and needs and most of all, learning to empathize with the feelings and needs of others. He also teaches how to make clear requests rather than demands and provides a handy list of feelings and needs which has been extremely useful to clients and healers alike.
You will find this list as well as information about non-violent communication on the website:
www.cnvc.org/

Focusing, Eugene Gendlin, Bantam Books, 1981, USA and Canada.
this guided meditation practice is extremely powerful in helping to get in touch with the “felt sense” of any situation. Gendlin has been a pioneer in creating a process called Thinking at the Edge, to allow mind, body sensation and emotions to be considered and included in decision making in any situation.The approach at Essential Selves has been heavily influenced by Focusing.
The Focusing Institute has a wealth of knowledge on their site if you are interested in learning more:
www.focusing.org

Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy, David Burns, Signet Books, USA,1980
Not very new, and in fact,David Burns’ book is a classic. What we like best about this book is his expanation of the fifteen cognitive distortions that people commonly make and when we do this, it can be like a vortex that sucks us into our most vulnerable and self loathing thoughts, and can make our lives hell.
This is an excellent book to learn how to change and de-dramatize anxious and depressive thoughts and how to instantly feel calmer.
You can also find the cognitive distortions on line:they are useful to print and keep by your computer for handy reference.